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March 30 Breaking The HabitMemories consume Like opening the wound I'm picking me apart again You all assume I'm safe here in my room Unless I try to start again I don't want to be the one The battles always choose 'Cause inside I realize That I'm the one confused I don't know what's worth fighting for Or why I have to scream I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean I don't know how I got this way I know it's not all right So I'm breaking a habit I'm breaking the habit tonight Clutching my cure I tightly lock the door I try to catch my breath again I hurt much more Than any time before I have no options left again I don't want to be the one The battles always choose 'Cause inside I realize That I'm the one confused I don't know what's worth fighting for Or why I have to scream I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean I don't know how I got this way I'll never be all right So I'm breaking the habit I'm breaking the habit tonight I'll paint it on the walls 'Cause I'm the one at fault I'll never fight again And this is how it ends I don't know what's worth fighting for Or why I have to scream But now I have some clarity To show you what I mean I don't know how I got this way I'll never be all right So I'm breaking a habit I'm breaking the habit I'm breaking the habit... tonight March 24 BelieveThe faces all around me they don't smile they just crack
Waiting for our ship to come but our ships not coming back We do have time like pennies in a jar What are we saving for What are we saving for
There's a smell of stale feeling that's drinking from my skins The drinking never stops because the drinks absolve our sins We sit and throw our roots into the floor What are we waiting for What are we waiting for
So give me something to believe Cause I am living just to breathe And I need something more To keep on breathing for So give me something to believe Something's always coming you can hear it in the ground It swells into the air With the rising Rising sound And never comes but shakes the boards and rattles all the doors What are we waiting for What are we waiting for So give me something to believe Cause I am living just to breathe And I need something more To keep on breathing for So give me something to believe I am hiding from some beast But the beast was always here Watching without eyes Because the beast is just my fear That I am just nothing Now its just what I've become What am I waiting for Its already done Ohhhhhhh So give me something to believe Cause I am living just to breathe And I need something more To keep on breathing for So give me something to believe March 22 Green Birdharu ga kita kodomo-tachi wa gakkou e iku nora inu ni koinu ga takusan umareru haru ga kita chimushi ga kao wo dasu kotori ga mushi wo taberu haru ga kita onna-tachi ga kagami ni mukau tamago no pai ga yaki agaru March 19 Father"When I was young he taught me: ”lies will make your life full of trouble”, and he was talking to me, giving to me, all those lessons to make my life complete..I don’t believe in nothing, I don’t care about no rules and all that stuff, but I know nothing is real, nothing is clear, cause everything you touch just disappears.." dopo undici ore e mezza di lavoro si direbbe che potrei sdraiarmi su un letto che bramo da stamattina circa ternta secondi dopo essermi reso conto di essere sveglio..purtroppo con la cena sullo stomaco è dura sdraiarsi a letto e così mi ritrovo qui..risveglio dopo l'ennesima caduta..perché si..ci stava l'ennesima caduta..bramavo la cavalcatura da troppo tempo perché filasse tutto liscio e così l'ennesimo impatto con l'asfalto non è stato proprio benefico e soprattutto previsto..qualche botta qui e lì..qualche strappo su giacca e vestiti..qualche centinaio di euro di danni..ma poco importa..l'importante è trovare l'amore..anzi riscopire l'amore di quella sensazione che ti fa sentire l'aria addosso e ti fa vedere la strada veloce che scorre..sensazione che spero di riavere prima dell'inizio dell'estate..la stagione è praticamente terminata..speravo in un'ennesima scorribanda in quel del brocon ma purtroppo sembra essere sfumato tutto..e per gli impegni e per le condizioni del golden knee :) ..non importa..quest'anno è stato intenso e pieno di soddisfazioni..posso stare contento..e ora posso solo vivere di ricordi lasciando scivolare qualche lacrimuccia guardando la mia donna bella come non mai..adagiata sul divano..con la sua pelle ancora straordinariamente liscia e lucente..ora c'è da pensare al lavoro a quanto sembra..e pensare a come riempire il vuoto che presto sentirò sempre più aprirsi con l'aumentare della temperatura e l'allugarsi delle ore di luce..però adesso fa piacere sedersi al sole ad assaporare una sigaretta occhi chiusi e mentre sgombra..o col tenero pensiero di un ovetto di fianco al caffè..di due occhi..di un sorriso stupendo..ma questa non è la via della luce..per cui continuiamo ad assaporare la sigaretta e a pensare che domani mi aspetta un'altra giornata che sebbene non sarà forse durissima vedrà un inizio decisamente troppo prematuro per i miei gusti.. "..honest in! fake out! everybody knows your made up, don’t come to me I'll avoid you all..honest in! fake fuck you! everybody knows your made up, don’t come to me I’ll avoid you all" March 16 Right NowI'm feeling mean today
Not lost, not blown away Just irritated and quite hated Self control breaks down Why's everyday so tame I like my life insane I'm fabricating and debating Who I'm gonna kick around Right now can't find a way to get across the hate when I see you Right now I feel it scratch inside I wanna slash and beat you Right now I rip apart the things inside that excite you Right now I can't control myself I fucking hate you! I'm feeling cold today Not hurt just fucked away I'm devastated and frustrated God I feel so bound So why'd I feel the need? I think it's time to bleed I'm gonna cut myself and Watch the blood hit the ground Right now
can't find a way to get across the hate when I see you Right now I feel it scratch inside I wanna slash and beat you Right now I rip apart the things inside that excite you Right now I can't control myself I fucking hate you! You open your mouth again I swear I'm gonna break it You open your mouth again My God I cannot take it Shut up, shut up, shut up, I'll Fuck you up Shut up, shut up, shut up, I'll Fuck you up
Shut up, shut up, shut up, I'll Fuck you up
Shut up, shut up, shut up, I'll Fuck you up
Shut up, shut up, shut up, I'll Fuck you up
Shut up, shut up, shut up, I'll Fuck you up
Right now
can't find a way to get across the hate when I see you Right now I feel it scratch inside I wanna slash and beat you Right now I rip apart the things inside that excite you Right now I can't control myself I fucking hate you! I fucking hate you
I fucking hate you
I fucking hate you
I fucking hate you
I fucking hate you (SHUT UP!)
I fucking hate you (SHUT UP!)
I fucking hate you (SHUT UP!) SHUT UP! March 09 Until the EndSo clever, whatever, I'm done with these endeavors Alone I'll walk the winding way (here I stay) It's over, no longer, I feel it growing stronger I live to die another day, until I fade away Why give up? Why give in? It's not enough, it never is So I will go on until the end We've become, desolate It's not enough, it never is But I will go on until the end Surround me, it's easy, to fall apart completely I feel you creeping up again (In my Head) It's over, no longer, I feel it growing colder I knew this day would come to end, so let this life begin Why give up? Why give in? It's not enough, it never is So I will go on until the end We've become, desolate It's not enough, it never is But I will go on until the end I've lost my way I've lost my way But I will go on until the end Living is, hard enough, without you fucking up Why give up? Why give in? It's not enough, it never is So I will go on until the end We've become, desolate It's not enough, it never is But I will go on until the end I've lost my way I've lost my way But I will go on until the end The final fight, I win The final fight, I win The final fight, I win But I will go on until the end March 05 Falling Again"I lay, looking at my hands, I search in these lines, I've not the answer, I'm crying and I don't know, watching the sky, I search an answer, I'm free, free to be, I'm not another liar, I just want to be myself... myself.."
perché la stupidità dell'uomo porta a soffrire così tanto..ma soprattutto porta a far soffrire così tanto..le lacrime che scendono dopo una breve discussione con una cara amica ne sono la testimonianza più tangibile..questo mi riporta indietro con i ricordi..mi riporta a quando ancora non ero stato addomesticato quando a volte desideravo ancora fare del male..ora una parte di me sa che non è più così..ma forse un altra parte non pensa lo stesso..forse la rabbia nei confronti di questo mondo e del destino mi stanno riportando allo stato originario..forse nuove piume spunteranno..tuttavia ora che ho ancora coscienza delle azioni non posso far altro che star male per queste..perché c'è chi merita odio e chi merita tutta la mia ammirazione..era da un po' che non succedeva..fa sempre uno strano effetto trovarsi gli occhi gonfi di lacrime..anche se poi magari non è un vero pianto..ma dentro si vanno in ogni caso a smuovere sentimenti ancestrali..quelle cose che ci portiamo dentro come bagaglio innato..perché comunque una distinzione tra odio e amore o bene e male la troviamo in ogni essere vivente..sia esso pensante o non..e poi c'è il problema delle parole..le parole che fanno male..perché alcuni credono che il piccolo principe sia una storiella per bambini..le parole sono una fonte di malintesi..una frase che passa tanto inosservata ma che nasconde in sé un'enorme verità..perché nella vicinanza le parole possono non servire e le cose si possono capire dai gesti..nella lontananza i dubbi si perdono per le strade e per gli spazi che ci dividono..e dimostrare certe cose risulta davvero difficile..un intervento forse inutile questo..dettato forse dall'egoismo o dal sentirsi in colpa per qualcosa..o semplicemente dal sentirsi gli occhi gonfi e un groppo in gola.. "..And now the beat inside of me, is a sort of a cold breeze and I've never any feeling inside, around me..bring my body, carry it into another world, I know I live... but like a stone I'm falling" March 02 Almost EasyI feel insane every single time I'm asked to compromise |
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