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    March 30

    Breaking The Habit

    Memories consume
    Like opening the wound
    I'm picking me apart again
    You all assume
    I'm safe here in my room
    Unless I try to start again

    I don't want to be the one
    The battles always choose
    'Cause inside I realize
    That I'm the one confused

    I don't know what's worth fighting for
    Or why I have to scream
    I don't know why I instigate
    and say what I don't mean
    I don't know how I got this way
    I know it's not all right
    So I'm breaking a habit
    I'm breaking the habit tonight

    Clutching my cure
    I tightly lock the door
    I try to catch my breath again
    I hurt much more
    Than any time before
    I have no options left again

    I don't want to be the one
    The battles always choose
    'Cause inside I realize
    That I'm the one confused

    I don't know what's worth fighting for
    Or why I have to scream
    I don't know why I instigate
    and say what I don't mean
    I don't know how I got this way
    I'll never be all right
    So I'm breaking the habit
    I'm breaking the habit tonight

    I'll paint it on the walls
    'Cause I'm the one at fault
    I'll never fight again
    And this is how it ends

    I don't know what's worth fighting for
    Or why I have to scream
    But now I have some clarity
    To show you what I mean
    I don't know how I got this way
    I'll never be all right
    So I'm breaking a habit
    I'm breaking the habit
    I'm breaking the habit... tonight
    March 24

    Believe

    The faces all around me they don't smile they just crack
    Waiting for our ship to come but our ships not coming back
    We do have time like pennies in a jar
    What are we saving for
    What are we saving for

    There's a smell of stale feeling that's drinking from my skins
    The drinking never stops because the drinks absolve our sins
    We sit and throw our roots into the floor
    What are we waiting for
    What are we waiting for

    So give me something to believe
    Cause I am living just to breathe
    And I need something more
    To keep on breathing for
    So give me something to believe

    Something's always coming you can hear it in the ground
    It swells into the air
    With the rising
    Rising sound
    And never comes but shakes the boards and rattles all the doors
    What are we waiting for
    What are we waiting for

    So give me something to believe
    Cause I am living just to breathe
    And I need something more
    To keep on breathing for
    So give me something to believe

    I am hiding from some beast
    But the beast was always here
    Watching without eyes
    Because the beast is just my fear
    That I am just nothing
    Now its just what I've become
    What am I waiting for
    Its already done

    Ohhhhhhh

    So give me something to believe
    Cause I am living just to breathe
    And I need something more
    To keep on breathing for
    So give me something to believe
    March 22

    Green Bird

    haru ga kita
    kodomo-tachi wa gakkou e iku
    nora inu ni koinu ga takusan umareru
    haru ga kita
    chimushi ga kao wo dasu
    kotori ga mushi wo taberu
    haru ga kita
    onna-tachi ga kagami ni mukau
    tamago no pai ga yaki agaru
     
    March 19

    Father

    "When I was young he taught me: ”lies will make your life full of trouble”, and he was talking to me, giving to me, all those lessons to make my life complete..I don’t believe in nothing, I don’t care about no rules and all that stuff, but I know nothing is real, nothing is clear, cause everything you touch just disappears.."

    dopo undici ore e mezza di lavoro si direbbe che potrei sdraiarmi su un letto che bramo da stamattina circa ternta secondi dopo essermi reso conto di essere sveglio..purtroppo con la cena sullo stomaco è dura sdraiarsi a letto e così mi ritrovo qui..risveglio dopo l'ennesima caduta..perché si..ci stava l'ennesima caduta..bramavo la cavalcatura da troppo tempo perché filasse tutto liscio e così l'ennesimo impatto con l'asfalto non è stato proprio benefico e soprattutto previsto..qualche botta qui e lì..qualche strappo su giacca e vestiti..qualche centinaio di euro di danni..ma poco importa..l'importante è trovare l'amore..anzi riscopire l'amore di quella sensazione che ti fa sentire l'aria addosso e ti fa vedere la strada veloce che scorre..sensazione che spero di riavere prima dell'inizio dell'estate..la stagione è praticamente terminata..speravo in un'ennesima scorribanda in quel del brocon ma purtroppo sembra essere sfumato tutto..e per gli impegni e per le condizioni del golden knee :) ..non importa..quest'anno è stato intenso e pieno di soddisfazioni..posso stare contento..e ora posso solo vivere di ricordi lasciando scivolare qualche lacrimuccia guardando la mia donna bella come non mai..adagiata sul divano..con la sua pelle ancora straordinariamente liscia e lucente..ora c'è da pensare al lavoro a quanto sembra..e pensare a come riempire il vuoto che presto sentirò sempre più aprirsi con l'aumentare della temperatura e l'allugarsi delle ore di luce..però adesso fa piacere sedersi al sole ad assaporare una sigaretta occhi chiusi e mentre sgombra..o col tenero pensiero di un ovetto di fianco al caffè..di due occhi..di un sorriso stupendo..ma questa non è la via della luce..per cui continuiamo ad assaporare la sigaretta e a pensare che domani mi aspetta un'altra giornata che sebbene non sarà forse durissima vedrà un inizio decisamente troppo prematuro per i miei gusti..

    "..honest in! fake out! everybody knows your made up, don’t come to me I'll avoid you all..honest in! fake fuck you! everybody knows your made up, don’t come to me I’ll avoid you all"

    March 16

    Right Now

    I'm feeling mean today
    Not lost, not blown away
    Just irritated and quite hated
    Self control breaks down
    Why's everyday so tame
    I like my life insane
    I'm fabricating and debating
    Who I'm gonna kick around

    Right now
    can't find a way to get across the hate when I see you
    Right now
    I feel it scratch inside I wanna slash and beat you
    Right now
    I rip apart the things inside that excite you
    Right now
    I can't control myself I fucking hate you!

    I'm feeling cold today
    Not hurt just fucked away
    I'm devastated and frustrated
    God I feel so bound
    So why'd I feel the need?
    I think it's time to bleed
    I'm gonna cut myself and
    Watch the blood hit the ground
     
    Right now
    can't find a way to get across the hate when I see you
    Right now
    I feel it scratch inside I wanna slash and beat you
    Right now
    I rip apart the things inside that excite you
    Right now
    I can't control myself I fucking hate you!

    You open your mouth again
    I swear I'm gonna break it
    You open your mouth again
    My God I cannot take it

    Shut up, shut up, shut up, I'll Fuck you up
    Shut up, shut up, shut up, I'll Fuck you up
    Shut up, shut up, shut up, I'll Fuck you up
    Shut up, shut up, shut up, I'll Fuck you up
    Shut up, shut up, shut up, I'll Fuck you up
    Shut up, shut up, shut up, I'll Fuck you up
     
    Right now
    can't find a way to get across the hate when I see you
    Right now
    I feel it scratch inside I wanna slash and beat you
    Right now
    I rip apart the things inside that excite you
    Right now
    I can't control myself I fucking hate you!
    I fucking hate you
    I fucking hate you
    I fucking hate you
    I fucking hate you
    I fucking hate you (SHUT UP!)
    I fucking hate you (SHUT UP!)
    I fucking hate you (SHUT UP!)
    SHUT UP!
    March 09

    Until the End

    So clever, whatever, I'm done with these endeavors
    Alone I'll walk the winding way (here I stay)
    It's over, no longer, I feel it growing stronger
    I live to die another day, until I fade away

    Why give up? Why give in?
    It's not enough, it never is
    So I will go on until the end
    We've become, desolate
    It's not enough, it never is
    But I will go on until the end

    Surround me, it's easy, to fall apart completely
    I feel you creeping up again (In my Head)
    It's over, no longer, I feel it growing colder
    I knew this day would come to end, so let this life begin

    Why give up? Why give in?
    It's not enough, it never is
    So I will go on until the end
    We've become, desolate
    It's not enough, it never is
    But I will go on until the end

    I've lost my way
    I've lost my way
    But I will go on until the end

    Living is, hard enough, without you fucking up

    Why give up? Why give in?
    It's not enough, it never is
    So I will go on until the end
    We've become, desolate
    It's not enough, it never is
    But I will go on until the end

    I've lost my way
    I've lost my way
    But I will go on until the end

    The final fight, I win
    The final fight, I win
    The final fight, I win

    But I will go on until the end
    March 05

    Falling Again

    "I lay, looking at my hands, I search in these lines, I've not the answer, I'm crying and I don't know, watching the sky, I search an answer, I'm free, free to be, I'm not another liar, I just want to be myself... myself.."
    perché la stupidità dell'uomo porta a soffrire così tanto..ma soprattutto porta a far soffrire così tanto..le lacrime che scendono dopo una breve discussione con una cara amica ne sono la testimonianza più tangibile..questo mi riporta indietro con i ricordi..mi riporta a quando ancora non ero stato addomesticato quando a volte desideravo ancora fare del male..ora una parte di me sa che non è più così..ma forse un altra parte non pensa lo stesso..forse la rabbia nei confronti di questo mondo e del destino mi stanno riportando allo stato originario..forse nuove piume spunteranno..tuttavia ora che ho ancora coscienza delle azioni non posso far altro che star male per queste..perché c'è chi merita odio e chi merita tutta la mia ammirazione..era da un po' che non succedeva..fa sempre uno strano effetto trovarsi gli occhi gonfi di lacrime..anche se poi magari non è un vero pianto..ma dentro si vanno in ogni caso a smuovere sentimenti ancestrali..quelle cose che ci portiamo dentro come bagaglio innato..perché comunque una distinzione tra odio e amore o bene e male la troviamo in ogni essere vivente..sia esso pensante o non..e poi c'è il problema delle parole..le parole che fanno male..perché alcuni credono che il piccolo principe sia una storiella per bambini..le parole sono una fonte di malintesi..una frase che passa tanto inosservata ma che nasconde in sé un'enorme verità..perché nella vicinanza le parole possono non servire e le cose si possono capire dai gesti..nella lontananza i dubbi si perdono per le strade e per gli spazi che ci dividono..e dimostrare certe cose risulta davvero difficile..un intervento forse inutile questo..dettato forse dall'egoismo o dal sentirsi in colpa per qualcosa..o semplicemente dal sentirsi gli occhi gonfi e un groppo in gola..
    "..And now the beat inside of me, is a sort of a cold breeze and I've never any feeling inside, around me..bring my body, carry it into another world, I know I live... but like a stone I'm falling"
    March 02

    Almost Easy

    I feel insane every single time I'm asked to compromise
    ‘Cause I'm afraid and stuck in my ways and that’s the way it stays
    So how long did I expect love to outweigh ignorance?
    By that look on your face I may have forced the scale to tip

    I'm not insane, I'm not insane
    I'm not insane, I’m not... not insane

    (Mother)
    Come back to me it's almost easy
    (Said it all)
    Come back again it's almost easy

    Shame pulses through my heart from the things I've done to you
    It's hard to face but the fact remains that this is nothing new
    I left you bound and tied with suicidal memories
    Selfish beneath the skin but deep inside I'm not insane

    I'm not insane, I'm not insane
    I'm not insane, I’m not... not insane

    (Mother)
    Come back to me it's almost easy
    (Said it all)
    Come back again it's almost easy
    (You learned your lesson)
    Come back to me it's almost easy
    (But first you fall)
    Come back again it's almost easy

    Now that I've lost you it kills me to say
    (Hurts to say)
    I've tried to hold on as you've slowly slipped away
    I'm losing the fight, I've treated you so wrong now let me make it right

    (Make it alright)

    I'm not insane, I'm not insane
    I'm not insane, I’m not... not insane
    (Mother)
    Come back to me it's almost easy
    (Said it all)
    Come back again it's almost easy
    (You learned your lesson)
    Come back to me it's almost easy
    (But still you fall)

    Come back again it's almost easy